


Memories I Hold Dear

by chileancarmenere



Series: Wishing In The Dark [3]
Category: Dragon Age
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-05
Updated: 2012-01-05
Packaged: 2017-10-28 23:30:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/313368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chileancarmenere/pseuds/chileancarmenere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fenris and Danarius land in Minrathous, where Danarius plans to wipe Fenris' memories again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories I Hold Dear

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics at the beginning are from Tell Me So by Ron Pope.

_All the while we smile and think of comfort_

 _That the darkness brings_

 _These bleak winter roads won’t carry us home_

 

The movement had become as continuous as breathing, as necessary. Fenris dully yanked on the chain holding him to the wall. It only allowed him about a foot away from the wall before it pulled him back, but he kept on going. His wrists were bloodied, the soreness only exacerbated by the exposure of the lyrium.

Danarius had another thing coming if he thought that Fenris was going to go back to being meek and subservient. Now that he didn’t have to worry that Danarius would hurt Isabela, he was going to make every effort to get free. It was pointless to keep pulling on the chains, but it was an act of rebellion, however small, and he could not stop.

They were in Minrathous in two days, their rather miraculous speed having been provided by the magister and Varania. By that time, his wrists were worn down to the bone. When Danarius came down to the hold to fetch him, he exclaimed at the sight of the blood smears on the wall, and Fenris slumped in his chains.

“My, my, that’s a mess. Did you do that to yourself, pet? Whatever for?”

Fenris growled. Of the many things that he hated about Danarius, his tendency to speak in a mocking, condescending tone to Fenris was one of the worst.

“If you thought I would heal you, you were wrong.” Danarius looked displeased by Fenris’s refusal to answer. “I don’t need you whole and healthy for the ritual.”

Fenris felt as though someone had hit him hard in the stomach, knocking out all his breath. The unpleasant knowledge had been in the back of his mind, but he had tried to suppress it. Losing his memories again would be worse than death. He _could_ not go back to the way that he was. He would forget about the desire for freedom. He would forget about her.

If he begged, Danarius would simply enjoy it all the more. He gritted his teeth and ducked his head.

He was bound in chains that prevented him from phasing through them, and taken off the ship. The docks were the same as he remembered, filthy and crowded, almost like the docks at Kirkwall. A woman with a blue bandana walked past him, and memories of Isabela pushed in on his mind.

 _What do you think of this one? she asked, holding up a sarong that the dockside vendor was selling._

 _You would wear something that long? he asked archly._

 _She tossed it back on the pile. Right, you’re paying for that tonight!_

Danarius found a carriage and shoved Fenris into it. “You aren’t getting out of my sight again. Do you remember, you got away from me at a dock very like this?”

“I remember,” Fenris said, his voice low and hard.

“Soon you won’t,” Danarius chuckled comfortably. Fenris flexed his hand, dying to get it around Danarius’ neck. The slight glowing of the lyrium tattoos drew Danarius’ attention. “Oh dear, you can’t phase through those.” He laid a hand on Fenris’ arm and sent a pulse of magic into the tattoos. Fenris arched his back in agony as the magic sped through his body, biting down so hard he tasted blood in his mouth.

“Better.” Danarius sat back and neither of them moved again until they reached the gates of Danarius’ estate. He was dragged through the pristine grounds to a small shed constructed at the back. He remembered the shed; made specially so that Fenris could not phase through the walls when Danarius conducted his experiments. As they neared it, dread filled Fenris, and he dug his heels in, wrestling with the guards.

“Oh, stop it,” Danarius sighed, shooting another pulse of magic through Fenris. “It’s getting tiresome. I’ve spent thousands of hours and so much gold on finding you. I’m running out of patience.”

Magic sparked in the tattoos, like they were lines of fire burning into his skin. His vision fuzzed at the edges and Danarius’ voice came from far away. Incapacitated as he was, the guards pushed him into the shed and locked the door on him.

Danarius walked around him, pushing a toe under his back. Fenris clenched his jaw; the touch felt like a hot iron on the lyrium. “You disgust me,” he said, his voice cold and without any trace of the former superciliousness. “You pretend to be free, but as soon as you are, you run to another master. She gave you up, didn’t she? No one wants a slave as damaged as you.”

Fenris coughed, trying to spit up the blood in his throat. “You forced her hand.”

“And after that, you still defend her?” Danarius’ voice grew sly. “I never thought that you would pretend to love anyone, though. Still less a pirate tramp.”

Even though his skin was still burning, Fenris lashed out with the chain at Danarius. “Do not mention her!”

Danarius skipped back and shot lightning at Fenris - the pain forced him to curl up in a tiny ball, as if he could defend himself from the agony.

“I think it is best if I remove your memory quickly.” Danarius raised his hands, his face scrunched up in concentration. Bright white light shone through his fingers, and he began to chant in a low voice. The lyrium in the tattoos came _alive_ , reworking the design, flowing heedlessly through his skin to scorch new pathways.

Hours later, when he had gone from screaming and was reduced to begging, sobbing, crying for the pain to stop, Danarius lowered his hands at last and smiled.


End file.
